Women in Their Bodies

One of the things I could not get over the first day of class was the way the instructors–Natalie and Ali–move in their bodies.

It’s one thing to say a woman is confident. Yes–these two women have plenty to be confident about. They are young and pretty and strong.

But, I mean….the way they move….

Plenty of young, pretty, strong women have the appearance of confidence, the semblance of confidence, like it’s an accessory. But I think most women, including myself, no matter what we look like and how much confidence we put on, have it ingrained in us that we don’t really deserve to feel completely at home in the bodies we inhabit.

Like we shouldn’t dare to presume that our bodies are actually ours to be confident about. From the time we’re girls, we learn that our bodies are open to the public for observation, scrutiny, and consumption.

Here are just a few of the echos I hear in my head from things people have said:

Do you really think you have the ass to pull off that bikini? 

You’ll never be a true athlete with breasts that big.

I thought you’d be thinner with all the hot yoga you do. 

Most of of us grow up hearing things like this. I’m guessing my instructors have, too. But still, these yogis move like woman who know their bodies well and know their bodies are their own.

They don’t just have confidence, they are confidence. There’s no disconnect between mind, body, and soul: fluid motion of a human being.

This is my fucking body, godamnit, and it’s incredible. Every inch.  

Even though it may seem easier for a woman who is younger, prettier, thinner, etc, etc, to feel at home in her body, I watch my teachers and know something else is going on, something I’ve heard a million times in 39 years that feels truer than it ever has before:

It’s not about how things are put together outside of the skin: it’s the ease from the inside, the absolute joy to inhabit all that allows us to experience life’s physicality.