Day One: Start Where You Are

Wow. I finished day one of yoga teacher training. During the day, my mind traveled through several places.

I began the morning both nervous (about starting something new and meeting new people…will they like me?) and slightly…unmotivated/apathetic–deflated–which I blame on the Brett Kavanaugh confirmation drama happening in the news.

I also feel like a slug. I’ve had a horrible case of poison oak this week (while husband has been traveling for work) that not only kept me from movement (it was uncomfortable just to wear clothes) but also required prednisone, which makes me so hungry. I already have been careless about what I eat lately and this week was even worse.

So that’s how I went into the first day: feeling out of shape, emotionally distant, and nervous.

The way a class goes, though, is that you may feel like you don’t want to do this, but someone starts telling you what to do, you give in, and before you know it, you are absorbed in the movement and submit, no more space to let your thoughts interfere with the movement.

At least this is the way I experienced the first practice, a gentle flow led by Natalie in the morning and the last, a super energetic, music-charged class at close, led by Ali.

I’d never been in a class like Ali’s. We got to a part that was almost like a dance, with breathing done to music and hitting poses with each breath that us rotating around the mat.

I also did a new arm balance: one where I started with one leg in figure four, foot tucked into hip crease, lowered to a forward fold, hooked knee in armpit, shifted weight forward, and lifted back toe.

OK. But the rest of the day we went through practice teaching sun salutations.

Breath. Posture. Primary cue.

I’ve never done so many sun salutations in one day.

The big thing I can improve on is being more commanding in tone.

We also spent time on the Upanishads, which I don’t really care about or understand. I get that it’s good to have an understanding of some foundational stuff and I guess these are the spiritual foundations, but I may be missing some of the why? Next lesson, I will try to have more of an open mind.

During a morning mediation with Natalie, she had us visualize positive moments in our lives, like moments we felt grateful, laughed really hard, felt sexy.

I tried to reach back in my memory for some good stuff–stuff from childhood, adolescence, my 20’s– but honestly, all of my sincerely favorite moments were basically my life now.

I feel so grateful when my husband and children are simply safe at home with me during the night.

I laugh so hard most days, at something going on right in front of me.

The coincidence I’m most grateful for is the day the man who would become my husband showed up as a member of a relay running team put together by friends, which was the beginning of the rest of my life.

I have peripheral pain and grief–larger family issues, politics in this country, the inevitable tension between living life for myself and living it for everyone else.

But I don’t want anything other than what I have.